You might be a Tilbilly if...
You live in Tilburry, Ontario.You've had your driver's license suspended for DUI.
You ride a bike everywhere you go, because you lost your car to alcohol related debt.
You spend in excess of $20 a night on alcohol.
You enjoy the activity "standing up town" watching traffic go by.
You are under 18 and have more than one child with more than one person of the opposite sex.
You kill small animals for sport with small arms such as pellet guns or 22cal rifles.
You are not employed and consider having more children as "a source of income".
You wear more than one piece of Nascar attire at a time.
You have never heard of "The Internet".
You shop at "St. Vincent De Paul".
You rummage through the donations bin at "St. Vincent De Paul" after hours before they have a chance to pickup the donations the following morning.
You start shopping for a new snowmobile every year in August.
You snowmobile in October on the first frost of the year.
You have been in more than 1 alcohol induced snowmobile accident.
To you orange lined camouflauge hunting jackets are "cool".
You drive an American pickup and have more than one decal on the rear window of "Calvin" pissing on the other big American and Asian car manufacturers.
You cut your own mullet.
You still give the "peace" sign as a drive-by greeting.
You consider a mustard-stained 1987 Aerosmith world tour t-shirt as acceptable wedding attire.
You do have a car and you park it somewhere (what used to be known as "The Pitt") and watch cars drive by and wait for other people to drive up so you can have a conversation through your car windows.
When you get that snowmobile you spend all winter trying to fix it up because you can't afford a new snowmobile so you had to buy a piece of shit just so you can say you have a snowmobile.
You still live with your parents at the age of 27 and think working at a gas station for the rest of your life is sufficient.
Seeing someone walking down the street with no shoes on is a daily event.
You have worked at, or dreamed of working at Cottingham Tire and Auto Service (no offense to the company).
Your house has any out-buildings and they are falling down or are propped up with a few 2x4's.
You're more likely to have a CB antenna on your house than a satellite dish.
You have a lame ass nickname like Roach, Arms or Suds.
You know what BAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! means.
You have higher absences than grades.
You add "right" prior to most phrases.
You fight with your friends if no one else is around from out of town.
You and your best friend punch each other out and then go to the Tibby for last call for a cold OV.
You're fat and balding and drive a truck and tell the teengina "cock or walk".
You buy single joints.
"Let's go for a cruise" consists of driving up and down the main drag all day (looking for single joints).
You have fucked your entire circle of girl friends.
Ozzy rules.
After you graduate high school you return to sell single joints.
Everything's "Gay" or "Right Gay".
You plan a party at the town park.
You swam in the town pool after hours.
Detention is a subject in school.
You have to go to someone's stag at the arena then hit the Tibby for last call and maybe fight a friend.
Your high school has the same teachers that taught your parents.
You got head in the park from a girl from another town.
You are 20, out of high school and pluggin' some skeezebag 14 year old in grade 9.
You go to a party and have no fuckin' clue who owns the house, you just heard there was a party so you're going for a chance to get drunk and fight.
Your grammar is at a grade 1 level.
You have been hot boxing at Government's Dock.
You are over 30 and still showing up at prom parties.
You use the terminology "Hairlip", "Cheese Weiner" or "Bucked Fucking Cold!".
You got your dealer on speed dial.
Your wife that you have been with for 13 years calls you "Skin" because she does not know your real name.
You don't know where your high school is or if you even have one.
You have been to a Davidson Bush Party!
You would stop in at Mikey's to grab a couple single smokers for a quarter on lunch hour!
You're in a band and your biggest gig is playin' at the KC.
You lived at the Athlone apartments.
You've bought a bag off Bonesy.
You knew pubic fly (shave it!).
You had her! Soiled linens!
The local priest smelled like booze.
"Stairway to Heaven" brings back high school dance memories.
You wear AC/DC and Sabbath t-shirts.
You spend your pay cheque on an 8-ball and beer.
You look forward to Halloween.
You look forward to booze cruising.
You go to Subway after the Tibby.
You stand on the street corner beside Shopper's.
You're 20 and still hanging out at the big park with a backpack full of beer.
You get facefucked at Rowsom's bush only to return to the bash with cum in your hair and a shit moustache to finish your beer.
You talk shit about your hometown on the Internet because you still live there and have nothing better to do.
You can fuck your cousin but not your sister.
You drive a big truck but are not able to pay for it.
You borrow from OSAP and spend the money on speakers.
You live at a home called Melrose place and be on welfare.
You can get crack at 3:39am any day of the week.
You smoke a joint or eat mushrooms on a street corner with 50 of your closest friends.
You know who Boots was.
You know who and what Chuck's wagon is.
You created a website about Tilbury called tilbilly.ca.
You know the band called Twisted Alliance.
When you were done high school you worked in a factory.
You know a sketchy person named Pete.
If every time something goes missing, you blame it on Vic.
If you use the phrase "kife" in most sentences.
If you consider the local cops acquaintances just because you come in contact with them so often.
If you always yell "your chain fell off" at passing bikers.
e-mail me with new lines or hate mail @ joe@tilbilly.ca.